yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
