I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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