if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
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