dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
So I just went to clothing optional bar
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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