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I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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