i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
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