were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
