Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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