Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
