My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
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