can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
