Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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