I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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