I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
