i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
How does it feel to date your dad?
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