if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
