I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
