I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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