I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
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