I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
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