When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
