Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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