The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
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