I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Randomize
