Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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