One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
