There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
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