I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
