Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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