i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
