I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Randomize
