The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Drake has all the answers
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
