I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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