You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
