He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
