Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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