Betty ford says i'm here all night
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
