Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Randomize
