FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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