Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
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