i think my tv is drunk
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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