I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
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Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
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I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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