you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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