I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
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