I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
