he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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