Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
