There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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