somebody snuck up and got me drunk
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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