I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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