We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
