the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.