I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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