This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
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