a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Randomize
