i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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