I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Randomize
