you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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