tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Randomize
