i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
