I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Randomize
