I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
