Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
