mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
