you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
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I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
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College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
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