can we get nightvision for the apartment?
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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