check it out our google latitudes are spooning
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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