He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
