I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
