he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
