your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize
