You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
he fucked my hip out of place.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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