he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
