We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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