I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
