fuck your aforementioned shoe
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Randomize
