3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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