six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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